Contributor
- Jul 29, 2019
- 4 min read

I CREATE, BECAUSE WHY NOT?

I didn’t think I was creating. I was playing, expressing, singing, acting, dancing, writing, but I didn’t think I was creating. Because the music, lyrics and scripts were already created by someone else. I didn’t create it. I am borrowing their art to express myself. In fact, that’s what has been holding me back from saying “I am an artist.” I wasn’t creating my own materials. I didn’t think I was enough to call myself an artist. How could I? I don’t create, I perform. If I want to call myself an artist, I have to write my own music, play my own instruments, write my own show. Until then, I am not a real artist.

Art was my gateway for creating. It gave me permission to see what it feels like to be free. It gave me permission to step out of my norm and transform into something that I couldn’t be as I am. Through the 88 keys of my piano, I learned how to feel my emotions. Through those scripts, I learned how to let go and surrender to my intuition. Through those words I learned how to heal.

In my childhood, I used the piano and my grades to create proof that I was here. I wanted to have applause, prizes, rewards, acknowledgements. When I got good grades and played at concerts, I heard “You did great”. “I’m proud of you”. “Oh wow, you’re incredible.” It reminded me that I exist. It reminded me that I was a part of a family, that I was loved, that I mattered. I felt invisible without it. I had to prove myself, again and again. I used whatever it took to create the proof that I was there.

As a teenager, my creations were the proof that I belong, I am not alone, I am a part of something. I am seen & heard. “If you keep being that way, nobody will want to hang out with you,” a classmate, who I thought was my friend, said to me. I kindly said, “Thank you for telling me what’s wrong with me so that I can fix it.” I had already developed the belief that nobody likes me, so when I heard this all I wanted was to not be alone. I would create whatever was needed to not be alone. I smiled, listened and agreed with everyone to create the proof that I’m not alone. I created in order to “feel like I belong” at school. I hated school so much. At home I kept playing piano and getting good grades to create the proof that I exist, not only to my family, but also to myself. I didn’t know who I was, how to communicate, or connect to my feeling. My art became my savior. In somebody else’s creation, I was able to find myself and still exist. “I still am breathing. I am still here.” (Check out the article I wrote for The Soundshop : “I found myself & Music found me”)

Writing this really has been eye opening in a way that I didn’t expect. It has been healing. Up until not that long ago, even in my writing, I filtered myself. I believe in the power of language. I didn’t want to jinx certain things. Also, I was always prepared “just in case” somebody would read it. I didn’t want to be a bad person. Thank goodness I have my therapist, who has been helping me to just say whatever comes up in my head. Lately, writing has been a huge part of my healing, but this piece in particular really gave me an opportunity to think about why I create. I create to create experience.

Even though I wasn’t creating tangible things, I was creating. I was creating feeling, experience, energy, love, peace. It was healing and connection, the sense of belonging that I wanted. Not only for others, but for myself. Now, I create to make a change. It just occurred to me how interesting it is that the moment I hear the word “CREATE”, I associate it with “ART” right away. “CREATE” can be anything. One of the definitions of “CREATE” according to Merriam-Webster is, “to bring into existence.” The definition of “ART” is, “Skills acquired by experience, study or observation.” If you think you are not an artist, boy you are wrong. We are all artists. In what form? Who cares. If you create an experience, you are an artist. It’s like magic. We get to create so many miracles and magic.

So here’s why I create.

I create to connect

I create to love

I create to be

I create to see the truth

I create to speak the truth

I create to understand

I create to pay attention

I create to celebrate

I create to evolve

I create to change the world

I create to find myself

I create to remember

I create to cherish

I create to question

I create to learn

I create to serve

I create to change

I create to protect

I create to be with you

I create to forgive

I create to let go

I create to play

I create to belong

I create to lose myself in a moment