Rediscovering the Magic
“Knotted from a feel good night of liquid courage and no cares
I loved the way she touched my hair
She whisperd the strands away as easily as the breeze flowed in from the open window
she swept into my heart
Gave me confidence as I wept
And dove into her eyes
Blue swimming pools
I floated to the top as I gasped for air
And I discovered the air was her.”
-“The Day”, written by Sammi Price
I woke up one morning and thought to myself, “Life seems to become harder the longer you live it.”
As I released my bones deeper into the bed I laid on, I told myself the magic I once believed to exist in the world simply doesn’t. I contemplated it for a long time. Does this magic just morph into a grind, where one must travel through dense forests of self doubt, chop down impossible branches of rejection, to ‘hopefully’ stumble upon the treasure? And if one lost the feeling of hope for too long, would they forget what it feels like? I was convinced I had forgotten what the ‘magic’ of life felt like.
I found myself waking up thinking how life feels so much harder in reality than it does in my dreams. In my dreams, I can fly high above the body which betrayed me, see the sights I’ve always wanted to, soar above with no weakness or hindrance to explore mountains and meet new fascinating people, alongside the dogs I’ve loved over the years who never really passed away. It’s a beautiful place, and why wouldn’t it be, right?!
How does one continue to live in a world so far from the one we soar to when we shut our eyes each night?
As I spent a late Sunday evening watching a documentary on space and cosmos, I fully contemplated how the universe truly is a fascinating thing. We are so infinitely small. I took the time, looked up at the night sky and attempted to grasp the infinity above me. As its vastness overcame me, I told my self-conscious self, “Sammi, your stomach fat doesn’t matter. The world won’t explode because you paid your student loan late this month. And just because he doesn’t want to be a part of your life anymore, doesn’t mean your story telling is over.” It’s just beginning. And ending. And continuing to form while we search for our purpose.
Now let me tell you about what has changed my life, my perspective, and my intentions. Gratitude. I began waking up each morning, forcing myself most days, to list 10 things I am thankful for while looking into the mirror. I also began meditation again. I took the time to actively work on my positive perspective. I then realized I have many more friends than I realized. Many more people around who would miss me should I disappear. Slowly, but surely, I am shifting my depression through practicing gratitude. I challenge you to try.
A year ago, I wrote on my calendar “May 2019,” because I would be putting up my own solo slam poetry show. I named it, “Sammi Price Show”, in scribbled writing above my calendar. I began actively visualizing this show into existence; I saw the audience before me, witnessed their laughter and tears as I shared my words and music and did my best to hush away the self doubt creeping up in my mind.
Low and behold, a few days ago, nearly exactly a year after I wrote my dream down in my calendar, I get an opportunity from an off-broadway venue to put up my own solo show. The individual who runs the venue told me he believes in me, values me, and encourages my activist point of view and words. Tears welled in my eyes as I realized my dream had come into fruition. And this time…. I was awake! Awake and happy. Something I’d been struggling to do for a long time.
If you are overwhelmed with depression, sluggish behavior, and lacking motivation in your life… I firmly believe the cure is gratitude. Start small, as hard as it may be, and your perspective will change from one of pain to one of excitement and joy. It is possible to live the life of your dreams. You just need to see it that way.
Written by Sammi Price, a proud poet, actress, producer, makeup artist, and member of the LGBTQ+ community. Follow me on Instagram @sammi___price for poetry, theatre, film, and performance opportunities! Youtube link to “The Day” Original poem by Sammi Price, combined with musical cover of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis Presley.